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April 6, 2021

The Art of Money with Bari Tessler

This week on the Money Made Easy Podcast we have on Bari Tessler, author of the book, “The Art of Money”. We get to find out all about how she went from wanting to be a solid gold dancer to becoming a financial therapist.

Bari started therapy when she was 16 but other than going from wanting to be a dancer to a business woman and being interested in psychology, she started undergrad not really knowing what she wanted to be and do.

While spending a year in Israel, she put dance and psychology together and she briefly thought she made up Dance Movement Therapy. She went to graduate school for somatic psychotherapy.

At the age of 28, her student loan came through and that was a real wake up call. At the time she was making $11 an hour in the mental health field with a masters degree in psychology.

She realized in graduate school, money was never discussed. Nothing was said about how to get clients and run a business. And she also realized money wasn’t the issue, it was not being able to have conversations about money.

She considered running away, but instead decided she would face her student debt by learning everything she could learn about money. As a result, she started by learning bookkeeping and starting a bookkeeping business.

Growing up in a middle class family, she received mixed messages about money. There was a spirit of generosity and there was a lot of control around money.

We talk about money stories we get from our family – good and bad. Tetia shares about how her father getting gas for her taught her how to receive. 

Now Bari is 20 years in to starting her practice of financial therapy. And she is still learning new things and she still has emotions around money.

It’s important to Bari that financial literacy and emotional literacy have to be together. However, there are lots of ways and she thinks it’s important to get creative and find what works for you.

In “The Art of Money”, Bari writes about how there are 3 phases – Money Healing, Money Practices and Money Maps. She credits her somatic psychotherapy tools for getting her through her money issues and on to what she’s doing now.

One of the people Bari was doing bookkeeping for encouraged Bari to do a speech about combining her healing and practical aspects of how she handled money. Most importantly, this led to the work and the book for Bari.

The way Bari addresses shame around money and healing around that and other emotions is so important. She talks about how most of us didn’t receive any type of education around money. 

One of Bari’s favorite tools she shares in “The Art of Money” is the body check in. Simply stopping for 5 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute, and just checking in with your body on a physical level. Also, ask yourself are you standing or sitting? Are your shoulders up?    

The next level is on a sensation level. What sensations are moving or still in your body? The next level is emotions or feelings. What emotions are you feeling around money?

After that, the fourth level is what is going on with your breath? Is it more in your chest or lower? Is it shallow or full? And what adjustments can you make?

This is not a one and done check in. It’s to be done repeatedly – when you’re paying your bills, talking with your partner, shopping, buying a car. This leads to understanding about what comes up for you.

Bari shares how these check ins can lead to understanding and shifts and changes in money patterns. It can help create a relationship with money that is right and feels better and more successful.

After the body check in you go into the practical. The gentleness and the compassionate. Instead of “I’m stupid” or “I should know this” you should try, “None of us learned this” and “I can learn this”. 

Knowing your values and what’s important to you is so important. Bari talks about how much more prepared you are when you’ve done this work.

We love how in the book Bari talks about big things and little things in the book. Giving tips like instead of feeling shame around paying a bill late, call the company and ask to have the late fee removed.

Bari shares how in a long life, there will be beautiful things and huge, enormous challenges. In life and in money, there are ebbs and flows. There are curve balls and big transitions but they don’t last forever.

One of the things, Bari suggests is renaming your debt. Sometimes in honoring it, forgiveness happens. Instead of ‘that damn credit card bill’ name it ‘my wife survived cancer’. She had a male accountant client do this to honor what it was for and reframe how he looked at it.

And this is just the first half of our interview with Bari Tessler, author of “The Art of Money”. Next week is part two of this amazing conversation – see you then!

Thriving Financially with Hilary Hendershott Money Made Easy

When Hilary was in her 20’s, she was definitely not thriving financially. She was advising multi million dollar clients by day and coming home to a stack of bills she wouldn’t open because she couldn’t pay them. She was a massive overspender. Hilary was earning 6 figures and spending 6 and a half. She realized she had to repair her relationship with money and wealth. This was a very emotional time for Hilary. Looking at the numbers and realizing how in debt she was made her feel like a piece of crap. She was lucky enough to go to a great school and smart enough to graduate with honors. Hilary was determined to figure out how she got so deep in debt. She started reading everything she could on the psychology of money. Her mother was a budgeter and saver and Hilary was ashamed with the amount of money she could spend on birthday presents for friends. Hilary wanted a pair of Nikes like the other girls on her basketball team but had to get her shoes from Payless. Hilary felt like there was never enough money for the things she wanted in life. That became her money operating system. It’s a very common money operating system. And there are many others also. Through the divorce of her parents and her father not wanting to pay her mother, Hilary came to realize that money  is power. So operating with the thoughts ‘there’s never enough money’ and ‘money is power’, Hilary would spend and buy to try to show she was successful, even though she had no money in her bank account. Luckily, she was able to unravel those behaviors and make a change in her own life. This made Hilary want to teach her framework to others, especially women. Also by doing this, her business took off. So many entrepreneurs limit money in their life with their thoughts. Even though Hilary has a very traditional background as far as her training, until she changed her mindset, she would spend money as soon as it was in her back account. For Hilary to make a change, she started doing the opposite of what she had been doing. Where she had hidden her money troubles before, she became super transparent about them. And she also, just wouldn’t do things where she would be spending money. It was super tight and painful for several years. After Hilary had her condo foreclosed, she turned in her leased BMW and paid off her negotiated credit card debt, she then began rebuilding. She didn’t buy a coffee for 2 years. After she fixed the problem, she has now built up enough wealth to be financially independent. And that’s definitely thriving financially.  In addition to the traditional financial advising, Hilary has Ignite Investing for people who are just getting started in investing. This program makes financial advice accessible. She also has a coaching program, that teaches exactly what she did to get out of debt and build wealth. Hilary shares her 7 Steps To Wealth with us.  1 – Decide. Involve your mindset and how you see your future. 2 – Speak. Look at all your scripts about money. Journal. Write down all the things you think and say about money. 3 – Plan. Most people don’t have a plan. She teaches a multiple account system, not budgeting. 4 – Earn. Raise the ceiling. 5 – Ask. She has a No Challenge. Make so many big requests, your goal is 100 no’s. If you get to 100 no’s, you’ll have so many yeses, you’ll have a different life. People are afraid to ask. 6 – Invest. Compound your wealth. 7 – Protect. Protect your wealth with wise decisions and your identity from theft. A lot of people, especially women, have this idea that money is a zero sum game, Hilary tells us. Just enough is enough. She wants us to know there is an abundance of money, you can be rich and everyone else can too. Hilary works with a lot of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s and doesn’t know many that work past 70. You need a stash of money to support your life. The Profit Boss Radio is the podcast Hilary hosts. She has so many things she wants to say especially to…
  1. Thriving Financially with Hilary Hendershott
  2. Money Practices and Money Maps with Bari Tessler
  3. The Art Of Money with Bari Tessler
  4. Get Good With Money with Tiffany 'The Budgetnista' Aliche
  5. Think Like A Breadwinner with Jennifer Barrett

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